#IsThisOK? is the Mayor of Greater Manchester’s campaign aimed at men and boys to address the unacceptable behaviour faced by women and girls. It encourages people to call it out if they see their friends, colleagues or family members demonstrating these behaviours.
The latest phase of #IsThisOk? raises awareness of coercive and controlling behaviour, developed with insight from over 65 organisations and those with lived experience.
[Male]
Again! why is she always ringing you?
[Female]
Oh, come on. Don't be like that. She loves you.
(On phone) Mum? Hi. Can I ring you back? Bye.
Happy now?
[Male]
Who’s this texting you then?
Who’s Sam?
Who is Sam?
[Female]
Sam’s a girl!
[Male]
Go on then, tell me
[Female]
Why are you so paranoid?
[Male]
Woah! You being serious? You got that on my new shoes. Oh, man.
[Female]
Sorry, it was an accident.
[Male]
So embarrassing! She does it all the time, you know. She’s so embarrassing, look at her.
[Female]
Don't forget I’ve got that appointment again tonight.
[Male]
Again?
(Phone rings. Caller ID - ‘Mum’) I’m sick of this.
[Female]
I am allowed to go out!
[Male]
While I’m stuck in here all day?
[Female]
I’m allowed to go out without texting you!
[Male]
You don’t tell me when you go out!
What are you doing?
You’re not going out wearing all that.
Coercive control
There are around 300 coercive and controlling behaviour offences recorded per month in Greater Manchester, although the real number of offences is likely to be higher. Instances go unreported as people in coercive and controlling relationships often do not recognise the harm they face, and that it is a form of domestic abuse and against the law.
There is a common misconception among victims and people who care about them, that domestic abuse always includes physical violence. Coercive and controlling behaviour, however, is often employed through emotional and financial abuse, gaslighting and isolation. These behaviours often escalate throughout the course of a relationship.
Although controlling behaviours can be displayed in any relationship dynamic, it is estimated that 89% of cases are committed by an intimate partner.
Coercive and controlling behaviour in relationships often includes:
- Love bombing
- Controlling what is worn (including makeup)
- Controlling and tracking movements
- Gaslighting
- Isolation from family and friends
- Belittling
- Blaming arguments on victims
- Monitoring of phone and social media
- Control of money
- Unreasonable demands
- Accusations of flirting or affairs
If you, or someone you know, is experiencing coercive and controlling behaviour, contact domesticabusehelpline.co.uk for help and support.
Coercive control is not right, and Greater Manchester Police has a zero-tolerance approach to punishing these crimes. If you are worried about your behaviour in a relationship and would like support, you can access non-judgemental help in Greater Manchester. Sometimes, you may not even know you are committing a crime, but you can still be prosecuted for your behaviour. By seeking help at the earliest possible stage, you can break the cycle of your offending.
There is a common misconception among victims and bystanders that domestic abuse always includes physical violence. Coercive control, however, is often employed through emotional and financial abuse, gaslighting and isolation. These behaviours often escalate, sometimes unnoticeably so, throughout the course of a relationship. Although controlling behaviours can be displayed in any relationship dynamic, it is estimated that 89% of cases are committed by an intimate partner.
Effective bystander knowledge can be crucial in breaking the coercive control cycle. If you believe a family member, friend, colleague or other person known to you is a victim of coercive control, you can call out the behaviour and disrupt the abuse. You can let both victims and perpetrators know this behaviour is a crime and let them know there is support available to change.
While intervening can be hard, coercive control can, in some cases, have fatal results. Consider the four Ds of bystander intervention:
- Direct: Use your voice or body language to demonstrate disapproval of the behaviour, but only if it is safe to do so for you and any other individuals involved. Ultimately, you don’t want to make the situation worse, or cause anyone to get hurt, including yourself.
- Distract: If it is not safe to intervene directly, causing a distraction, such as changing the subject, interrupting or creating a diversion, can force the perpetrator to leave or find a way to safely remove an individual from a threatening situation.
- Delegate: You can delegate responsibility by calling in or raising the alarm to a more appropriate authority. This could be the police or someone who has a more direct relationship with the individual that would be better able to manage the situation.
- Delay: Delaying is still an intervention, even if it happens after the fact. Inform a manager or senior colleague or report through appropriate channels, such as the police. Create bystander allies if others witnessed the incident and consider a joint plan to deal with what happened. You should also check in with the person afterwards, recognising the situation and offering support.
Coercive control is a serious crime
Coercive control became a crime in 2015 and is punishable by up to five years in prison.
A Domestic Violence Protection Notice (DVPN) can be given for 28 days for respite to a victim, ensuring their abuser must leave their premises and cannot contact them.
A Domestic Abuse Protection Order can also be issued for a longer period. Greater Manchester Police have these powers and can be issued without criminal prosecution.
Statistics
The highest cases of domestic abuse and coercive control are found in under 34s.
Coercive control can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, status and finances.
Taglines
- A victim may not realise they are being coercively controlled, or that a crime is being committed.
- #IsThisOK empowers people to reclaim their lives and realise they are not alone.
- Coercive control thrives in silence. Ask yourself, #IsThisOK?
- If you recognise this behaviour in yourself, you can be supported to make a positive change.
- It is not too late to change your behaviour. Reach out for support today to access non-judgemental help.
- Greater Manchester Police has a zero-tolerance approach coercive control and controlling behaviours. Get support for your behaviour today, before it leads to a prison sentence.
- You will be heard. You will be listened to. You will be supported.
- Domestic abuse is not just cuts and bruises.
- If it doesn’t feel right? It’s not right. You are not alone.
- Coercive control can leave your family, friends and colleagues confused and alone. Check in and ask #IsThisOK?
- Coercive control does not happen overnight. Check in on your family, friends and colleagues.
Be part of changing the story. Follow #IsThisOK? on social media
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